C O P I N G

When the unfortunate event happens in your life that is either a stressor or a crisis. How do you handle events like this? Some might shut down and some might take this opportunity to change and become better. These are both methods of coping.

     I would like to share a little about myself and what coping methods tore me down and which ones built me up. Through the past couple years I have discovered the challenge it will be for myself to have a baby. I had always dreamed of having the opportunity to carry a sweet growing child inside me for 9 months, being the first to hold a brand new life in my arms, being able to fix a "boo boo" with a kiss. I often would think about playing tea parties, superheros, dinosaurs with my children. I even would think often about tricks on how to have my kids enjoy healthy food! Shortly after I was married I began to get nervous. It was not happening as fast as I had expected. The frustration grew as others around me were blessed with the only thing I felt was missing in my life. I didn't understand what the plan was or why I had to go through this. I became more upset with ever announcement that was made. I chose to not do much of anything hoping it would all just fix its self, I thought that maybe all my friends were right and that maybe I was too stressed, or maybe I needed to track everything differently.
     But nothing ever changed so I decided to to start going to a Dr. to see what they could find out. I started leaning more on my Heavenly Father for guidance and direction on what I should do in the meantime while i waited for my turn. I decided to go back to school for marriage and family studies. As I began sharing with more friends what I had and am going through, I was able to help other on their journey as well. I have become more happy with this Trial, Stressor, or Crisis (however you may put it). I have grown to recognize all the many other blessings I have in my life. I am so grateful that I was able to learn how to better cope so that I could grow.
 
   

L O V E - M A K I N G, - N O T - J U S T - S E X

"Smiling for someone is sweet, but making someone smile is the best feeling." -Unknown 

There are a lot of ways you can focus on the "Making love not just sex." In my opinion, when you are making love, you are focused on the other person more then your self. You are also being focused on my your spouse by your spouse to the same degree. The both of you are looking for more then just sex. you are looking to show the other that you care for them, that you want them to be happy, that what they feel is just as important as to what you feel. A couple ways you as a partner can make this an easier step in your own marriage is by communicating and listening. We all have heard it before "communication is key" but why is it so hard to sometimes talk to your spouse about the undesirable things you may experience with sex? This is an opportunity we have to help, strengthen our  marriage. 

Listening to your spouse when they share something with you is your time to gain trust in you. how will you respond when they share something with you that you might not agree with? Do you encourage it or do you act offended and sometimes angry? When we are open with our spouse about the good and the bad. and when you are listening yourself. you both can began to focus on the cretin things the other  likes this is when you are most likely to feel that love for one another.

W H I T E - P I C K E T - F E N C E

   There is something about a white picket fence that is so pleasing. We were talking about this in a class recently and about how this should be our goal in marriage. We should build a boundary around our spouse and our self. A white picket fence gives that seance of friendliness but the top lets others know, that you do have your boundaries. This will allow you and your spouse to grow closer.

   

   I was recently thinking pack to all of the different things I my self, and many others will also go through in their first months and year of being married. Some of these things are...

• Budgeting finances
• Splitting up responsibilities 
• Learning how to care for and encourage each other
• Working out a new planned reunite that fits to each others schedules 
• Setting goals
• Communicating about everything 

   These are just a few of the many things you have to work on when you get married. I am not saying they are always hard for everyone, but some of these things can be difficult when you are not use to it. But I know that there is great good that can com from learning how to strengthen your relationship. Allowing yourself to become vulnerable to your spouse and them doing the same to you. It allows you to turn to them when they have done something that has hurt you, made you feel sad, angry, confused. It also can help your spouse to do the some. It also allows yourself to grow closer together when maybe goals or dreams did not workout the ways you had planned. Maybe you had pictured starting a family as soon as you could only to come to find out, that was not an option for you. Maybe you planned on getting a job that would allow you to stay close to family, only to find out about a job offer that was too good to e true, the only catch, it's five states away.

   These are the times when you lean on your spouse for strength. By doing so, you are reinforcing that bond. 

  

L O V E

"Even lazy jellyfish do it" - Lets get to it (let's fall in love) Ella Fitzgerald

Love.... I love those shoes, I love sushi, I love the summer weather, est... Its in all of the "love songs" we use the word so often I begin to think if we even really know what the word "LOVE" really means. Or if simply there are other words for what we mean... Because surely we don't mean  the same thing when we tell our family we love them, as to when we tell our friend we love their new shirt. Well according to the text book "Marriage and Family" there are 4 different words for the one we all enjoy saying:)

AGAPE: Charity. This is the kind of love that is more for that person you just met.
EROS:This is the more romantic kind of love, the longing kind. more for your significant other rather then your grandma ;)
PHILIA: This is where all your bf's, bff's, and just your normal friend's would be.
STORGE: And this love is saved for your fam-gam, aka Family

So go on "loving" all the many things you do and like Tim Mcgraw would say "I love you ain't no pick up line". So save it for someone or something that you truly do love.

G E N D E R

I have been thinking a lot about the the different roles males and females play. I feel like the world has started to really look down on women who have chosen the role to stay home and raise their children, and have really started to praise women who have chosen the path of working out side the home. It also seems like the world looks up to men who have chosen to be stay at home daddies instead of choosing the working field.

I'm not so much here to talk about why it is better for mom to be at home but more of wanting to ask the question, "why is it more okay for a man to choose to stay home then for a women?". Of course many women have fought for the right for us women to be able to work outside the home. But why does that aromatically mean a women cant be viewed as doing something great by staying home with her children?

This is a topic I would really love to hear some others thoughts on. So please share what ever you may think:)

C U L T U R E

Have you every really thought about what goes into culture. Every family has a different culture. there are no two that are the exact same. You could live on the same block, attend all the same schools, have the same beliefs religiously, enjoy the same activities, and still have a different culture. 

In marriage and in families, I believe this could be called "habits." Have you ever heard of the term "Honey moon phase?" Well I googled it and it said, "At the beginning of a good relationship, everything seems perfect. You and your partner agree on everything, you want to do the same activities on the weekends and you always look great and shiny and happy. They call this the honeymoon stage, because in olden days we'd be married by now and going on honeymoons." Okay so I thought this was silly. Did you see how they said "beginning of a good relationship" then you will have a Honeymoon phase? I don't necessarily  disagree with this statement, made by an unknown individual, but I do think it is a little extreme. But only for the pure thought of thinking the Honeymoon phase can mean different things to everyone! I personally don't think my husband and I have ever agreed right off the bat on ever little thing. But I don't feel I have left the honeymoon phase yet.  

I found this quote that says "There is no such thing as a honeymoon phase specific patterns create specific results. Maintain the patterns, maintain the results." I feel like the "honeymoon phase" can last as long as you want it to. You might disagree on something at first or later or everyday, all that matters is if you care enough about it, then share it with your spouse. Your goal is to work together on building your relationship. Make goals, rules, and don't forget to always look for new ways to show your love.

T H E O R Y

T H E O R Y

Today I would like to share a few of my thoughts on the topic of Exchange Theory.do we expect something from others, just because we did something for them? I often fall into this category, especially when others do things for me. I'm not saying it is bad to want to do thing for other who do nice things for us. But are we expecting others to return the "favor" when we decide to do something.

I feel like this can be an easy slope to fall in when in a relationship with friends, family, spouse, and boy or girlfriends. Are we  holding our loved ones accountable when we do something for them? This can be more then just a "Hey I did the dishes last or hey I got you this gift" but can also be emotional support, time est. Have you ever caught yourself saying something along the lines of "I just don't feel like I am getting out as much as I am putting into this relationship"? Sadly, I know I have. As we focus more on what we can give to others vs what they can give to us, we can build stronger relationships as we change our self first.